Friday, August 22, 2014

Confession time...

I know everyone has struggles and I know most people have different struggles.. but another one I deal with on almost a daily basis is paranoia.  I am constantly fighting myself and struggling with paranoia.  Does anyone else deal with this? 

It is amazing to me how much it affects my daily life, my marriage, my friendships, and relationships with acquaintances.  Because I struggle with it so much, I try really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I know I have this HUGE struggle.. so I know they probably don't have it all together either, so it softens my heart towards others.  Sometimes my paranoia are valued, but most of the time they are factors of my imagination.

So where does this paranoia come from one might ask?  I am honestly not really sure.  I could come when I get a different look from someone, a text, a "like" or non "like" on Facebook, a comment posted, a non reply to an email/text... it amazing how I am having to constantly fight it.  It is an inward battle ragging in my heart/mind.  Today, it is worst than most days.... so what do I do now? How can I fight this inward battle?

Obviously this is a SIN that I struggle with and I need Jesus to help me.  There is no magically fix.  Maybe I need therapy who knows really... But deep down I know this is one of my sins.  I am turning into myself... giving into fears - "oh they don't love/like me", "I'll never be good enough", etc etc.

Let's see what God says in His Word:

Philippians 4:6-7          
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

So we are to not be anxious, or live in fear, and trust in the Lord... I guess that is the most important part. To TRUST in the LORD!!! Why is that so hard?  It is amazing how often we don't trust in the Lord yet ourselves and we find ourselves mixed in the muck of our sin. 

I am praying for God to help me TRUST in Him.. and not myself or ways of this world.. I hope you can seek God to help you with your sins too.  We all need some Jesus!

1 comment:

Becky Swann said...

You are loved Courtney!! all the social media and non face to face communication we have breeds that anxiety and lies! I think it makes life harder not easier, personally. But this I know for sure You are loved! I needed to read your blog today, I am in for fighting against the lies and the anxiety! I miss you:) so let's get some face to face time in next time you are up! Deal?